So everything for ball seems to be coming together. The limo is booked (aside from one empty seat which Alex's mom paid for and is very upset about, but that's not my fault, I wish I could find her a date!), the dinner is reserved (Biaggis, and $27 a person, but I estimated that when I looked at the menu, so it's tolerable) and the after party at Sara Jos! This is going to be fantastic! Especially since I'm having my birthday party the next day at 6!!!

I just can't wait until all my APs and IBs are done, then it'll finally be time for the most fantastic 18th birthday weekend ever! (NYC BABY!)

I still have a bunch of work to complete before then, so there's no time for premature celebration. :(

So my graduation party is July 20th, a sunday, so we can book the caterer. I'm excited! A sunday means less conflicts with other parties so mroe people will be able to come! Yay! This should be awesomely fun! I can't wait! I am a bit conflicted, however. I don't want to leave all my friends at home. Some of them I know I'll never see again. Shit.

My birthday is coming up, too! EIGHTEEN!

That means gambling, piercings, and tattoos. Hell yeah.

The beginning of a new era, I see. It's time to start something new, to let old memories go (yet hold on to the restraining order).

I don't know why I continue to talk to them, to kiss and caress them, they only hurt. It's like eating chocolate, when all it does is make you sick... fucking allergies. I wish I was allergic to men, then I'd have a reason to let them alone. It's never ending, everlasting. Desiring the undesirable, looking for something I've never known. Yet I continue on, I keep on fucking going.

I hate men. They love me, and oh boy how I love them.

"Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air."
- Sylvia Plath, Lady Lazarus